Preview of my life

I am running off systematic emotions that have been on autopilot for a long time now. I wake up, work, visit my mother and my little bro sometimes, eat on autopilot, sleep. Maybe now and again I text someone. Hangout for a while in an awkward environment. I am a living robot. Go on and tell your friends, I'm the sideshow freak. Sometimes I wonder if theres something wrong with me. If I'm just a weird recluse or if my mind is slowly deteriorating, turning to pink mush inside my skull. I almost want to pinch myself to make sure I'm real. I've been alone for far too long. I always find myself fearing my future. I don't want to grow old and alone with sixty cats I call friends. I mean yes cats and kittens are cute (i like dogs too), but thats not who I want to be. I prefer a wonderful roller coaster life and a side order of love. But hey my heart is a smashed locket why should I expect it to be fixed?